Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Let's talk about genes

No, not your favorite pair of long and leans from the Gap, people--that would be jeans. I'm talking genes--those tiny little things that can cause havoc for those of us not so gentically blessed. In a few areas both dh and I got the short end of the stick, and unfortunatley a lot of those "great" genes will be passed onto our lucky children. They will thank us later.

Eyes: both dh and I wear glasses/contacts pretty much every waking moment. I can't even stand to take a shower without my contacts in--I'm afraid I may end up using shaving cream for shampoo or something. I see glasses in our daughter's future. On the bright side, both dd's have inherited my obscenely long eyelashes. That is about the only good thing I had to contribute in the first place.

Teeth: again, braces are in the future. Ca-ching. I have one sister who has had like 1 cavity in 35 years and didn't have to have braces. Bitch. I look at sugar and holes form in my mouth.

Chest: I have dd's (that would be short for "dear daughters", not my cup size), so therefore I will only talk about my chest. Let's just say I was happy when they came out with a cup option of "Barely B". Remember that sister mentioned above? She wears an H. Yes, we came from the same biological parents. I actually don't envy her on that one. Somehow the genetic gods couldn't figure out how to split that part evenly and leave us both happy with a full C.

Bottom: Sir Mix a Lot could've been singing directly to me. Even when I was at my skinniest in jr. high/high school I still got called "Bubble Butt". My mom would make me prom dresses and we would cut a larger size for the bottom and a smaller size for the top. Part of the problem with that can also be explanined the the paragraph above. One of my poor dd's has inherited my behind, and my dh reminds me often that she will "thank" me for that later. Just like she will thank me for bad eyes and bad teeth.

Height: Dh and I are of just average height. Okay, maybe I'm a little below average. Fine, I'm short--are you happy? And due to some other genetic mishaps (we'll talk about those in another post) our youngest dd is destined to be short. Shorter than me, I'm afraid. Maybe she will fulfill my life-long dream of being a gymnast. I have another sister (who has cavities and a smaller than an H chest) who got the height. Six inches more than me. Again, where's the splitting everything evenly and ending up at 5'7 instead?

Hips/legs/feet: Between dh and I there are too many little things that could go wrong here. Inward rotating femurs (dh), can't sit crossed-legged (me), and bunions (me)--oh my.

Hair: dh has very thick, almost black hair. The kind that is so thick he has to get it thinned everytime he gets a haircut. Me, I'm at the exact opposite of the spectrum. I have thin, fine hair. And the color? Have you every seen a field mouse? Yeah, those ugly, brown grey things you find in your house around here (when you live in the country). That is the natural color of my hair. Gross. And if you remember anything from previous posts, I am cheap. I can't afford to get it colored but maybe twice a year. And I've had enough at home mishaps with color that I tend to stay away from that--the last time I tried to give myself highlights, my hair turned a lovely neon orange color. So older dd at least has pretty decent hair, I'm hoping it will turn a pretty color and be nice and thick when she is older. Younger dd? Yeah, again with the "thanks, Mom". At age 2.5 she is already losing what bit of blonde she may have been able to claim being born with. And she has a baby she-mullet. This girl has never had her haircut and this is what you get:

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Business in the front, party in the back. Maybe she should go with this look for everyday--it says "Party All the Time!":
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Sorry about the genes, girls--its all we had to work with!

5 comments:

Teri said...

LMAOROFL

You said "bitch"... lmao....

Crap, now I need to change my pants....

the driftwood collector said...

What a cutie! Love the shirt, btw - my dd has it too!

kmm0305 said...

The peanut wore that exact same shirt last year for Valentine's as well--like I said, she's a shrimp! At least we get a lot of mileage out of her clothes.

kdotp said...

Oh your girls will be cute when they grow up. And being tall isn't all it's cracked up to be, you know. You can at least hem the pants you steal from me shorter... :p

Teri said...

BTW, we've had some "mullets" over this way too. Don't worry, it'll grow :)