Saturday, April 26, 2008

Dumb Ass of the Year Award

That would belong to me, thank you very much. I have done some pretty stupid things in my life, and this one has to be in the running for #1 dipshit move. I really don't want to go into details. I was trying to do a good thing, honestly. And then I forgot about it. Lesson learned the (very) hard way.

Let's look for the bright side of things, shall we? I think its supposed to make me feel better, but doesn't help all that much:
  • Its a good thing I have awesome parents. They are good at helping out at a moment's notice. See why we can't move? I need them around.
  • Its a good thing dh was out of town. Otherwise I would not be around to write this. Hopefully being 600 miles or so away is enough of a buffer and a good day of golf tomorrow may help him forget all about it. Yeah right.
  • Its a good thing part of our basement is still unfinished. Yea for being too poor to finish it off right away!
  • Its a good thing we have a wet/dry vacuum, a fan, and a dehumidifier.
  • I needed to go through some toys and throw things out anyway.

My dh just doesn't understand how someone so smart (he never fails to remind me that somehow I managed to get a master's degree) can be so dumb. Like I said, I've done some dumb things in my life. That includes running over a cement parking block and tearing out the breaklines in my car once (in my defence, the block was covered in snow). I rear-ended a guy once. I thought I had latched a window after cleaning it, but it blew down and broke. The list goes on and on.

I will admit to my own stupidity, but I also claim bad luck seems to hang around me. I don't know what it is about me, but things just seem to break if I look at them wrong. My cell phone once totally died after I plugged it into my car charger. I was driving dh's truck this winter and the windsheild cracked--no rock hitting it or anything. I look down at the cell phone today and the face plate is cracked. In my care my daughter broke her collarbone and I once thought she swallowed a barette (never showed up on x-ray). I ran over a screw with our van and we have a bum tire. At one point (I have abosolutely no clue where) I ran over some paint and got paint all around the wheel wells of our new van. Again, the list goes on and on.

How can this be? Let me tell you, its great for the self-esteem (not). I had to be consoled by my 5 year-old giving me a hug and patting my back telling me, "Its okay mommy, it was just an accident. You didn't mean for it to happen." Thanks, sweetie. And my mom, bless her heart, tried to make me feel better by telling me she does dumb things too. Like throwing away 4 checks for about $3 a piece. "See?", she tells me. Thanks mom, but I only wish I threw away a few checks. It would've been a lot less work and less money down the drain (no pun intended).

10 comments:

Cristin said...

I'm dying to know how you flooded the basement...don't feel too bad...I'm a dipshit too...

Glenda said...

I don't think we can describe this as "being dumb," we are just "easily distracted." I know you are brilliantly smart, and I of course think I am brilliantly smart too, but I must be easily distracted, because how else could I explain burning up the tea towel in the over, setting the toaster oven on fire, and exploding tomato soup all over the kitchen? Not to mention locking myself out of the house twice in the same day? Most of these occurrences happened when I was "multi-tasking" like we are supposed to be these days. Ha!

I used my new mandoline for the dinner last night to make waffle fries. They weren't all that I had hoped. I think they need to be deep fried. At least the chicken nuggets were ok, even tho cooking both nuggets and waffles in the oven at once caused a whole bunch of smoke for some reason, which necessitated opening a bunch of windows. And I made the boys chase to two different stores to get 5' tables for the handi quilter, which they did w/out too much complaint.

Roll w/the waves and move on, baby. You are a great mom, a funny writer and a lovely sis in law.

Bad Mommy said...

Oh man, that is bad. We all have dumbass days and we still love you ;)

Unknown said...

So I take it the sump pump alarm going off was a bad thing?

Yes, we have the best parents in the world. And we all know I *never* do anything stupid, right? It's genetics, dear. As smart as our family is sometimes, we can't get around it.

I know what you need, a phone call from your favorite red-headed nephew! :D

kmm0305 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kmm0305 said...

Cristin--What? Is THAT what you think I did? Okay, maybe you are right--now it can be another fun guessing game as to how.

G--thanks for the love, I am so glad you had dh during all of this. Poor Kenny probably thinks his SIL is off her rocker, instably crazy. That's why they married us, right?

Teri--see? Told you it was worse than your day. ;)

kdotp--I'm wishing it was the sump, that way I could blame it on mechanical failure rather than brain error. Poor mom and dad had just got done sucking water out of their basement for 2 hrs and then I call them. Parents of the year. (Although they need to re-do their basement, enough is enough!)

Jenn M said...

ok, I'm sorry but I'm still peeing over the term "dipshit". hello, the 80's called, they want their word back!!! Cristin, you too??!
I'm so going with the trend and using it this week; can't wait to hear reactions.

SO sorry about the basement, that sucks. Can't wait to hear how. I LOVE that your folks were there in a jiffy (going with the throwback terms), that rocks. Those things totally happen to me too although never a huge scale, just enough to cause a bit of damage that I could probably get away with if my damn kids would keep there mouths shut! I probably jinxed myself though so look for my own dipshit post soon!

Hope all is looking up!

Jenn M said...

doh, just saw the "there" where it should be "their"; I'm such a dipshit.

kmm0305 said...

We must be a little backwoods in Iowa--dh uses "dipshit" all the time.

Can't wait to hear your dipshit moment when it comes, Jenn. :P I was just going to clean it up and not tell until I went downstairs and saw Niagra Falls.

Mary Welsh Hubbard said...

Don't feel bad, once I ran into the back of my neighbors (husbands) car because I was waving to his wife and didn't know he had stopped!